Let’s talk Resilience

I’m sure this is not the first time you are hearing this word. I can’t count the times it has been said to me since I started my social work studies at Makerere University way back in 2014. Up until now this word is still wide enough for me to fully comprehend and completely digest. I wouldn’t want to be so academical so I will avoid quoting authors like Healy (2014) who have written loads of books about the concept. Oh Gosh! I’m already academical. My bad!

Anyways for me and at least for many, resilience simply means ability to bounce back in the face of adversity. It’s like being hit by heavy waves but you refuse to sink. However, it shouldn’t be mistaken for “failure to die”…we don’t test failed resilience when one dies. Be it emotional, spiritual, economical or at worst physical death. Rather, it means one is able to function “appropriately” in the face of challenges (appropriately is quoted because it’s as subjectively understood as resilience itself).

As humans we have a natural drive to survive, to stay “alive”, to keep going as we hope for good things to happen to us a long our life trajectories. I believe Carl Rogers when he talks of the inherent capacity in human beings to do good. Eiiissshh! I’m again being academical. But yeah! We all thrive to be the best that we can, to do good things to anyone including those that don’t deserve them. But yo! At some point our resilience bundle red-warns us then we lose this goodness.

I’ve come to think of it that no one is the way they are because of “nothing”. I have stopped saying “so and so is like this or that”. You should concur with me that humans aren’t static beings, we are very dynamic and get highly influenced by people, things and circumstances around us. Our characters get shaped, de-shaped and re-shaped by these mostly irresistible forces-some of which we have little or no control about. Our resilience stops warning ⚠️ and reaches the verge of “death”. We don’t lose who we are but we adopt mechanisms to cope(some of which may be “negative”-again negative is subjective)

So what about we stop judging people for behaving in a certain way during a certain time in their lives? How about we stop saying “she is good, she is bad, he is good or bad”. No one is inherently either of these but irresistible winds and waves of life make people become the way they do…simply because we have different levels of resilience. While some can shove the waves to the side and sail through, others simply drown into a sea of egoistic defense mechanisms or “lose their ego and themselves completely”. That is why sometimes the so called best-mannered end up doing “shocking” things. It’s simply because their resilience levels were at zero when life threw trash at them!!!!